Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
