Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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