The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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