I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
