My first STD was from a foam party
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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