Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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