She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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