I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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