Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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