I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
