I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
accomplished twins. life is a go
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
