I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
