I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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