Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
