I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
