Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
