At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
please don't ironically join a cult
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