2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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