i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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