woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
