After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
