I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
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he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
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I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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