Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
