as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
