Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
