I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I deserve this hangover.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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