does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
