hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We smell like vodka and hangover
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