I need to stop coming to work sober
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
