woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize