Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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