Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
