i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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