The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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