We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
