not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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