Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
