Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just sent this text using only my big toe
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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