So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
