i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
