So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
