the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
