We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
