I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
