What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i out mim tonsoeep
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