Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
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Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
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I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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