remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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