so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
