Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
