super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
