side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
