Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
