my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
