I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
