that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
