That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
