you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Alive.
So much puke
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
