just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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