She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
