Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
