By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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