The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
