I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
