she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
