I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
